“I missed you that’s all. I just wanted to see you, you know I adore you.” I don’t even bother to glance his way while I recite those words. I know his eyes are still indifferent, not like the persistent fire that they possessed when we were rolling around and kissing minutes ago while he probably believed things would evolve into sex. It hurts that I understand him so well, it hurts that I have now become so accustomed to replacing the word love with adore seeing as how I feel much less foolish when silence follows I adore you…- Shannon T. Boodram
There are those days when you feel like breaking down. You’ve tried to be the good girl, the one who tries not to mess around or give in to those frivolous desires, the one who feels bad when she even shares a kiss but knows enough to accept that sexuality is a part of life to be appreciated. It is those days you become the bad guy, not giving in makes you “CHICKEN”. Even when you feel like it’s Love, it can’t grow because once you say those words “I LOVE YOU” everything changes, you become doubtful & self-conscious about everything.
I’ve always thought of myself as a lover & not a fighter in all literal sense because I tend to tell someone I love you easily no matter what type of relationship it may be. I tell even my guy friends I love them and people look at me weird. Me saying I love you doesn’t mean I want to be your girlfriend either. It just means I care for you, no matter who you are. You being my man and me saying I love you after we start dating also doesn’t mean we will get married. It just means I care enough about you till the appropriate time arrives to make future decisions. It’s one step at a time.
Love is an emotion that should be given sparingly. It is also an emotion that shouldn’t be selfish either. When my love becomes voiceless to the point where I can’t say it to my “man” without being judged or feeling awkward about where that leaves us or in what position, then there is a problem. I don’t want to have to substitute words to make you feel better, whoever you may be, whatever kind of relationship it may be. I want to be free to love without a reason to give.
